WARNING: THIS POST MAY CAUSE A RELAPSE FOR THOSE IN RECOVERY FROM OXYCONTIN ABUSE – HELL, FORGET THE “MAY,” IT WILL CAUSE A RELAPSE! CLICK ON SOMETHING ELSE, TRICK! :)
Brian, a native of Birmingham, was pulled over by one of Jefferson County’s finest the other day. Though Brian specifically remembered flipping up the blinker arm to signal a right hand turn to the cop he knew was behind him and on the hunt, the big man gave the tried-and-true excuse that Brian failed to use his turn signal when taking a right-hand turn. Actually, cops in that area of Birmingham look for any excuse to pull over a motorist due to the drug activity there.
Unfortunately, the cop was correct in his assumption that Brian may be in the area to buy pills from the local dealer. Four OxyContin 40mg pills were slipped into the evidence department’s version of an authoritative Ziploc bag, and Brian could see the dark yellow color of each tiny OC from where he sat, handcuffed, in the back of the squad car.
Why didn’t I just eat those?!
Every addict, pill popper, fiend, and doper whose addiction has been or was active for more
than 2-3 years can relate to the sad reason that Brian didn’t eat those pills when he saw the blue lights twirl on.
When the panic and raw fear in the pit of his stomach began, before he gained control and appeared calm to the approaching deputy, it occurred to Brian that his window of opportunity was closing quickly. and he decided fast to - - -
- - - just hide them better because ingesting an OxyContin results in nothing close to the happiness caused by rubbing off the pill’s time-release coating, placing it on a hard, smooth surface then covering it with your cigarette pack’s cellophane wrapper to keep it all in place while crushing it with the butt-end of a Bic lighter; after that, rolling up a crisp $20 bill into a tight tube, and snorting it up his nose, hoping for a good, painful burn that shows how fresh – and thus more potent – the OC is, and being careful not to scrape the inside wall of the nostril because who knows what the freak could be on that money - - -
Do you see what I referred to as being a sad reason one realizes he/she is familiar with as an addict? If Brian had eaten the pills he would not have been arrested that day. But if he had eaten the pills, there would have been no chance whatsoever of being able to snort one when he got home.
The stranglehold of OCs is that strong – it holds a person that tight. In order to snort one rather than take it orally, I have also made the choice in the past to just hide an OC from a cop so that there was still at least a one-in-a-thousand chance that I’d be able to snort it in the very short distant future of that event. And being one of the fortunate addicts having a Class A felony on record ensures me of a complete shakedown any time a cop pulls me over, no matter who is driving the vehicle. So I was caught, also.
But here’s the thing: society wants me to stay clean. Is that a problem? Why, yes, it is. And it doesn’t seem to be a problem in which only I am the “perpetrator.” Listen up:
The American Psychological Association (APA) defines "addiction" as a habitual, psychological and physiological dependence on a substance or practice beyond one's voluntary control.
…beyond one’s voluntary control.
And an even better definition of “addiction” can be found in Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
…to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
And standing in front of a judge who has a look on his face that seems to say, “I know you aren’t going to comply with the stipulations I place upon the basis of you remaining free. But this is the way it is done.”
I could speak words that cause anyone in the courtroom to believe in my attempts to make a change this time. I could utter phrases that cause everyone in the front row to shed a tear, and once, I was able to flow a few myself. But the bottom line is this: I really did want to make a change. I really did mean what I said.
And at the same time, I knew, down deep in my own reasoning, that it was a futile attempt. Both, And. Yes, No, Will, Won’t. All at the same time. Though everyone who has an IQ of that above a jar of mayonnaise knows that an addict will lie faster and better and all the time. But the honest truth, the absolute truth of the matter is, an addict lies to their self way more than to anyone else.
And the Catch-22 that the State throws at an addict standing before them fearing the cut-off from all the people they love, the children that depend on them to stay in a place where they can be touched and utilized as a parent, and fearing the place they may be sent to (because underneath it all, they are and want to be a good person) is to stay clean of a drug which will not let them go . . . . a drug that is, in fact, in possession of them.
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